Past Me.

The bus was late yesterday. I've carefully set up my schedule to it allows for a late bus, but yesterday it was too late and ate up most of my cushion time. As we got closer to my stop, I became more and more irritated at other people pulling the chord, because it's all about me, and I don't care if you're late. When we finally hit my stop I got off and started walking as fast as I could. I got close enough to see the train as it pulled up, just far enough away that I knew I wasn't going to make it.

At the same moment that realization hit my mind, from behind me I hear running steps, and a tiny little skinny bitch comes racing past me down the sidewalk, across traffic, up the stairs, and onto the damn train. She made it. And I didn't.

I almost started crying right there on the spot. I watched the train pull away as I crossed the street, and cursed it, and her, and sent "here's hoping you get really fat" wishes. For a few minutes I sat on the cold bench, feeling myself feel sorrier and sorrier, and madder and madder. Eventually mad won out, and I decided this was ridiculous. The next train wasn't for an hour, and I wasn't just going to sit there. So I spent the next hour walking up and down the platform, doing the stairs once with each rotation. My mantra was "I care about my heath. What you think is unimportant."

I find my excuses for not taking care of my body come in two forms. First, that people will look at me and think all sorts of obnoxious things when they see me walking, or jogging, or whatever. Second, that it's too something whenever I want to go out and do something. It's too cold, or too wet, or too hot, or I'm too tired, or don't have enough time, or my knees hurt. Well, I'm tired of this. I'm tired of not being able to run for the train at full tilt. I'm tired.

So, now I'm going to do it. And I'm just going to keep telling myself that I can. Future Me knows I can, and Past Me will just have to be quiet.

1:12 p.m. - 2008-02-09

0 observations

previous - next


All images appearing on this
site are copyrighted.