Blue Opal - 2008-08-24 04:26:38
This is one of the most insightful entries I've read in a while. I lived it and know it's true, yet never had the collective wits to verbalize it with your precision. Bravo.
Rebecca - 2008-08-25 03:01:11
I hope you'll leave this entry up forever. It's very true and I'd like to refer to it over and over.
Morgan - 2008-08-25 20:33:02
I clicked through one of your banners. What a thoughtful, engaging entry. I look forward to reading more.
jw - 2008-08-26 02:03:49
There is this thing that sometimes happens to me where I'm walking down the wide sidewalk on the right. The man approaching is on the left. He deliberately crosses to the right, right in front of me, when there is no one else on the sidewalk to try to force me to either look at him or walk around, or both, I guess. I want to do a million violent things as my rage builds, as the collision point comes. I never vary my course and I never look at him, my face like a painting. I especially like it when, after he moves out of the way at the last possible moment, he calls me a bitch behind my back. I think to myself, you have NO IDEA.
Piper - 2008-09-01 18:18:37
I can't not reply to this post as I understand where you might have developed these ideas, but have had a very different life experience. I believe it is thought and writing like this that perpetuates such a stereotype of women, putting all of the blame on this gray block of something we supposedly don't understood labeled 'men' thus preserving the archaic and overworked misconception that women and men are inherently different, forever at odds with each other. Empower your self to move beyond these beliefs and ignore gender. Perhaps you are looking for such behavior and thereby inviting it. I would encourage you not to let others treat you this way regardless of your history or gender.
JoAnne - 2008-09-14 03:43:48
Piper, fuck off. Looking for this behavior causes her to find it? You you can take your victim-blaming shit and shove it back up your odorous ass.
alina - 2008-09-14 04:04:05
Oh wow, Piper. I'm going to have to just go ahead and disagree with you. And while I'm at it, tell you that you're wrong. I'm not putting all the blame on "this gray block of something we supposedly don't understand labeled 'men'". I'm looking at my experience and the experiences of most (if not all) women and girls I know and speaking up about it. I'm trying to express what I know many (way too many) women feel. This behavior isn't invited, it's happening because it's always happened. Because men believe they have the power to do these things. And they will continue to until people start to speak up. So, I'm speaking up, Piper, and I'd suggest you change your view so you can help make things better instead of perpetuating the problem. Now get the hell out of my comment thread.
Piper - 2008-09-15 02:24:04
It's truly unfortunate that you actually believe these things are predetermined by gender, that you would find my encouragement to empower yourself threatening, and that you'd find any disagreement with your beliefs to be unhelpful. Furthermore as a publicly displayed blog I find it alarming that you don't welcome opinions from all readers. My research in gender myth, abuse and victims' disorders has in fact helped many many women overcome very difficult circumstances for more than two decades. I thought a person as thoughtful as you might have appreciated a challenging perspective. Consider the way in which PTSD sufferers encounter situations most of us view as harmless: their previous experiences now taint their participation in the everyday world. But this is not something immutable. Likewise with your negative history with men. Simply a suggestion from a psychotherapist long-familiar with this mental context. It is of course up to you whether or not to consider my perspective.
alina - 2008-09-15 02:52:57
I don't believe these things are predetermined by gender, and never said I did. I said that our society encourages and expects "these things" and that it's going to take a lot of people speaking up in order to change it. The reason I dismissed your perspective is because of its dismissal of my experience, not because it was a challenge. I read it, considered it, then rejected most of it. I often find that psychotherapists and others in the mental health field are fairly set in their opinions, because of some misguided belief that they've "studied" and "come to a final conclusion." Interesting, that's what I thought before I knew you were a therapist. I've also found that therapists find it impossible to stop themselves from saying "simply a suggestion from a psychotherapist" in order to make their statements hold more weight. I've spent plenty of time with therapists (in their care and out of it) and it didn't take long to realize that they're human beings just like the rest of us, prone to wrong assumptions like the rest of us. I don't believe in blaming the victim, but I don't believe in dismissing a persons own responsibility for what happens in their lives. But I have to say that from my experience and the many, many experiences I've heard from women, this society encourages men to harass women, and does not yet allow women to stand up for themselves. Psychotherapists like you aren't helping. Which is why I said, and will reiterate here: get the hell out of my comment thread.
kreed - 2008-09-16 00:14:53
gotta say your pretty hostile to other peoples opinions. sounds like your one of those people who doesn\\\'t listen to people trying to help you.
Skreee - 2008-09-16 15:16:43
Hi Ophelia. Thanks for that entry. I do now know how to do trackbacks yet, sorry, but I referenced you in my blog because I had been trying to say similar things, but didn't really succeed: Thanks for your blog!

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