Ok, so I floundered a bit, but cecilia is right. The goal is to stay in Chicago. While I was in school the goal was to graduate, and nothing took priority over that. I didn't date and gave myself a pass on other things as well. I've never thought of myself as a goal-making and keeping sort of person, probably as a response to the 'young woman' stuff they shoveled at me at church. I'm not so great at respecting authority. So this realization is a surprise. I need a goal to work toward. I need to know what my priority is so I can focus.

The priority is staying in Chicago. No matter what happens, this is the goal and nothing can get in the way of the goal. The question then becomes, what do I need to do in order to reach that goal? Well, first I need a job. A good job. One that pays at least $35,000, but hopefully closer to $40,000. The long-term goal, making a living with my photography, is absolutely contingent on the short-term goal of getting settled here. That means that the job is just a job, and it'll have to be suffered through to get me where I want to go. Because art doesn't generally go from zero to sixty. I need to be going at least thirty on alternative power.

So the job is the thing. And the job will get me the other things, like an apartment, space to work, transportation, food, phone, time, funds. The majority of my stress comes from the urgency of wanting to stop leaning on my dearest friend when she's just buying a house and things are extra stressful for her. But now that I have a clearer vision (thanks cecilia!), this is going to go a little more smoothly.

I feel better. :)

10:33 p.m. - 2007-09-04

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